Wow! The folks at Esquire Magazine have compiled the definitive list of things every man should be able to do. I've gotta say, I feel like I've got about 15 of these mastered. A few more I'm working diligently on. A few of my favorites...
Argue with a European without insulting soccer.Nearly all of these will come up in our lives at some point. Wouldn't it be great to be prepared?
Point to the north at any time.
Know when to split your cards in blackjack.
Even though he wasn't selected in this weekend's NFL draft, GSU star and Walter Payton Award winner Jayson Foster was invited to camp with the Miami Dolphins. Bill Parcells called to personally invite him, according to the article.
I found this in a sports blog run by the Dublin Courier-Herald. It oh-so-accurately pegs Brian VanGorder for what he is. Hilarious!
I had imagined this whole blog about the Falcons 2008 schedule. But regardless of whether Matt Ryan is leading the offense, or Glenn Dorsey is leading the defense, does anybody care that Atlanta is opening at home against the Lions?
Thank God for Brian VanGorder. (Didn't expect that to ever come out of my mouth, did you?)
In an Associated Press piece written by George Henry, VanGorder found a way to paint himself as a football journeyman searching for steady work, and most important, a settled life for his caravaning family.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
When you look a little deeper at what VanGorder said in the article, you see that he's less like a leader of one of the lost tribes of Israel, and more like a teenager job-hopping between summer jobs.
I looked online through Rosetta Stone, Babelfish, even Muzzy, but couldn't find any literal translation software to accomodate the task at hand.
So I invented my own BS-to-English Dictionary and Phrase Book specifically for VanGorder.
It took hours of hard work (actually about five minutes, with breaks in-between to listen to W. stumble over his introduction of Pope Benedict XVI. "Welcome to Amurika, your Holy Sepulchur-ness. I would greatly enjoy an opportunity to break bread with you, but you know we use Texas Toast at the White House instead of those little wafers. Don't mess with Texas.")
Let's take a look at what VanGorder said, and then see what he really meant:
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No. 1: ‘‘What we’re looking for is to help our players understand the terminology of the scheme. We want them to be able to (get to) the ball and not be paralyzed by a new language.’’
Translation: Dear Mr. Belichick, by simply looking at my use of words like "terminology" and "language," it's easy to see that I am more than qualified to be your linebackers coach. I also like cut-off pullovers, and wear them regularly during my morning jog.
After holding six different jobs for five teams over the past four years, including one season as head coach of the Georgia Southern Eagles, VanGorder bailed on the Falcons Dec. 19 to take the defensive coordinator's post at South Carolina, only to leave four weeks later to return to the Falcons as their new defensive coordinator.
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No. 2: ‘‘You know, as I look at my career, I made one questionable decision, but I still look at that as a positive. It was a good experience. Wherever you are, you meet good people, and I choose to look at all these experiences as being positive.’’
Translation: I'm a chameleon. You ever seen one of 'em? They can be anything they want. I heard one time a chameleon turned into a large order of McDonald's french fries, but had to change back because it contained trans-fatty oils. You have to be ready for change. Just like I changed Georgia Southern from perennial playoff contender to door mat in one season. But who am I kidding, I got tired of talking to the old men at Snooky's, and the college crowds at El Sombrero made it impossible for me to relax in front of my plate of chiles rellenos. And the only guy I liked was the door greeter at the Super Wal-Mart.
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No. 3: ‘‘My situation last year was one that I just didn’t have any control of with Bobby leaving. The tough thing for me as a father of my five children, we’ve had to move around, change schools and my wife’s had to start anew in communities with friendships and those sorts of things. Coaching football is coaching football. We can really do that anywhere, but my family — that’s the part that’s been really difficult.’’
Translation: Sure I may have spent the last six months sleeping on the sofa in the movie room of my 7,000 sq. ft. Gwinnett home, but in the end: It's all about the caysh!
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No. 4: ‘‘Fortunately, being in the Jacksonville system, it’s not a difficult transition for me. From where I stand and from where my eyes are, I’m a little bit on the run because I’ve been so focused on linebackers.’’
Translation: I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing. In fact, just the other day, I had to borrow my son's copy of Madden NFL '07 to figure out what "Cover 2" meant.
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No. 5: ‘‘It’s a privilege to work in the National Football League. It’s a privilege to coach football for a living. I love it out here.’’
Translation: Here, I got 25, 25, 25, 25. Do I hear 30, 30, 30, 30? 30, 30, 30? I got 30. Do I hear 35, 35, 35, 35?
As a lifelong Atlanta Braves fan, I have less than stellar memories of the boys in blue from LA. When the Braves were mired in the National League West along with the Dodgers, a bitter rivalry built between the two. At least it did from the Braves side; the Dodgers probably couldn't have cared less. Anyway, there was hate f0r them for the Braves fans.
That pretty much died out when the NL was realigned, and we wound up in the East with the (now) hated Mets. But I started feeling a little bit of the old dislike when I saw this article.
Seems the Dodgers no longer allow kids to gather in the stands around the dugout to ask for autographs. See, those areas now are home to box seats. Only box seat ticket holders are allowed in the area. That means only the few kids sitting in the box seat areas can ask players for autographs. Another situation where tradition (which, by the way, is what made baseball great) is being kicked to the curb. So idiotic.
I just discovered Hulu.com, and it's become one of my very favorite sites. They offer FREE full episodes of many current and past television shows, as well as special clips and behind-the-scenes looks at other shows. There are even some sports programs available.
You can also watch more than a hundred full-length movies for free. There aren't a lot of relatively new movies, but still a good selection.
The video looks great, but you've got to have a broadband connection.
Like most college students B.I. (Before Internet), when I was at Georgia Southern we spent countless hours at the Henderson Library. In fact, we shut them down many nights. Those are fond memories. Of course, that was also almost 20 years ago. Time has a way of mixing whimsy and nostalgia to make memories seem more... well, memorable.
I just received an alumni e-mail from GSU spotlighting the renovations to Henderson Library, and it included pictures. First the before...
That's the way I'll always remember it. Looked unbelievable plain, didn't it?
The renovation involved almost doubling the size of the building, as well as improving its overall appearance. Note the enormous windows...
One of the more interesting additions to the new facility is the ARC, or automated retrieval system. It's the first one of these in the Southeast. About 800,000 lesser-used items are stored in bins, nearly 6,000 bins in all, stacked 45 feet high. If someone needs one of these books, ARC retrieval machinery will automatically find the bin containing the book and a Circulation Desk staff member will bring it back to the Circulation Desk.
According to the library's web site, construction is to be completed this Summer. Can't wait to see it.
A 15-year-old Seaside, California girl was on a school bus last Wednesday, when the driver suddenly made too sharp a turn, fell out of her seat and hit her head. With the adult out of commission, Amanda Rouse jumped up, slipped into the driver's seat and slammed on the emergency brake, bringing the big yellow vehicle to a stop after it had already hit two parked cars. All 40 elementary school kids on board were safe and no one suffered serious injuries.
But instead of rewarding the youngster for her quick thinking and bravery, the local school board ordered her to detention on Saturday. The reason?
Rouse had felt sick on the bus ride to school. Instead of going to the office and calling for a ride home, the bus driver agreed to drop Rouse off at her house after the elementary school run.
What else can you call them? An absolutely incredible run this weekend by a team that, honestly, shouldn't have even been allowed in the door. Of course, the tornado was a bit of overkill. The best bit... celebrating the win and cutting down the net on GA Tech's home court. That was pretty sweet.
The Eagles baseball team set an NCAA record yesterday, hitting 14 home runs (that's right... 14) in one game. They beat Columbia 26-8 on the strength of those 14 homers.
I certainly don't consider myself a food snob. I'm pretty adventurous when it comes to what I'll eat, and will try most anything once. There is one guiding rule for me... I don't eat organs. If it's meat (by meat, I mean a muscle cut), I'll give it a shot. I've had my fair share of cow, chicken, fish, pig, bison, quail, duck, lamb, shellfish, deer... you name it. I am proud to say that I have sampled goat, snake, rabbit, even alligator. My wife cringes when I confess that I don't hate Spam.
Maybe I'm culturally insensitive. There are very few products for sale at the local grocer that make my stomach run for cover. Sure there are things I don't like, even some that make me a bit queasy. But sometimes, when I see what the folks in other countries are shopping for, I'm extra proud to be where I am. For example...
I know they aren't real potato chips, but I like Pringles. Here in the U.S., we have the original Pringles variety, along with Loaded Baked Potato, Sour Cream & Onion, Jalapeno, Chili Cheese, Cheddar Cheese, Pizza, Ranch and Salt & Vinegar flavors.
But when you travel to the U.K., you also get Paprika flavored, Cheese & Onion, Flame Grilled Steak & Caramelized Onion, Thai Sweet Chilli & Lemongrass, Sweet BBQ Spare Rib, and Greek Style Cheese among others. Those sound great. It's a shame we can't get them here. I'd especially like to try the BBQ and the Flame Grilled Steak. Of course, all the flavors aren't as appealing. How about this one...
Yep, Prawn Cocktail flavored Pringles. Sorry, but that strikes me as more than a little gross.
Atlanta-based Carbon Motors, in cooperation with Georgia Tech, is developing the world’s first vehicle built expressly for law enforcement agencies. This car, known as the E7, is pretty mean.
Its strobes, flashers and spotlight are integrated into the car body - no light bar on top. Speed detection gear is also integrated into the car, along with automatic license plate recognition, and a video and audio feed from the car's rear compartment that automatically uploads to the police computer system. It will pursue at speeds up to 155 mph.
Plus, it just looks menacing. A lot more impressive than the Crown Vic.
No word on when the thing will be rolling off an assembly line, or just where in the metro area the plant will be located.
I really can't seem to find the amount of time I'd like to get on here and rant and rave, share the interesting web sites I stumble across, or just blather witlessly. But I did feel it important to share this column I just read. It's from Susan Jacoby in the Washington Post. The title: The Dumbing Of America. Her point, one that I've felt and shared in discussions with friends, is that our younger generations aren't keeping up in the smarts department with their counterparts around the globe. Some statistics that she cites...
According to a 2006 survey by National Geographic-Roper, nearly half of Americans between ages 18 and 24 do not think it necessary to know the location of other countries in which important news is being made. More than a third consider it "not at all important" to know a foreign language, and only 14 percent consider it "very important."If someone doesn't see the importance of knowing where in the world important events are taking place, they probably don't understand the importance of the things happening in the first place. Sounds like they would make pretty uninformed voters come election time. Sad...
While clearing out old emails from my inbox, I found this little gem. I have no idea who originally wrote it, when or where. I only know it came from a relative, and I received it during 2006. Before that I know nothing. As we're preparing to elect a new President, I thought it was worth posting. I hope you enjoy...
What Is An American?
You probably missed it in the rush of news last week, but there was actually a report that someone in Pakistan had published in a newspaper an offer of a reward to anyone who killed an American, any American.
So an Australian dentist wrote the following to let everyone know what an American is, so they would know when they found one. (Good on ya', mate!!!!)
An American is English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish, Polish, Russian or Greek. An American may also be Canadian, Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian, Asian, or Arab, or Pakistani, or Afghan. An American may also be a Cherokee, Osage, Blackfoot, Navaho, Apache, Seminole or one of the many other tribes known as native Americans.
An American is Christian, or he could be Jewish, or Buddhist, or Muslim. In fact, there are more Muslims in America than in Afghanistan. The only difference is that in America they are free to worship as each of them chooses. An American is also free to believe in no religion. For that he will answer only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God.
An American is from the most prosperous land in the history of the world. The root of that prosperity can be found in the Declaration of Independence, which recognizes the God given right of each person the pursuit of happiness.
An American is generous. Americans have helped out just about every other nation in the world in their time of need. When Afghanistan was overrun by the Soviet army 20 years ago, Americans came with arms and supplies to enable the people to win back their country. As of the morning of September 11, Americans had given more than any other nation to the poor in Afghanistan.
Americans welcome the best, the best products, the best books, the best music, the best food, the best athletes. But they also welcome the least.
The national symbol of America, The Statue of Liberty, welcomes your tired and your poor, the wretched refuse of your teeming shores, the homeless, tempest tossed. These in fact are the people who built America. Some of them were working in the Twin Towers the morning of September 11, 2001, earning a better life for their families. I've been told that the World Trade Center victims were from at least 30 other countries, cultures, and first languages, including those that aided and abetted the terrorists.
So you can try to kill an American if you must. Hitler did. So did General Tojo, and Stalin, and Mao Tse-Tung, and every bloodthirsty tyrant in the history of the world. But, in doing so you would just be killing yourself. Because Americans are not a particular people from a particular place; they are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom. Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, is an American.
Saw this quote on the Web today and loved it. It's from sci-fi writer Harland Ellison. I'm sure the wife would agree with the sentiment...
"The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity."
